Rage/Anger

Anger and rage have been the most difficult things for me to deal with as I have crawled and walked this path of healing and recovery for the last several years. It took me years to allow myself to feel the anger‚ rage, and hate I had toward the two men who sexually abused me as a boy. I also had a lot of anger toward my dad for his violence‚ alcoholism, and abandonment. At times it literally felt if I allowed myself to feel the anger, I would explode. Like an impacted tooth the size of a quarter being yanked out of a hole in my gum the size of a dime, it felt like it would kill me. Yet‚ I reached a point where I had to let it out because my depression had reached such a high level that it was either deal with it, or basically die.

As a boy, I did not have a good example in how to handle and release anger in a healthy manner. My dad’s rage planted seeds in me that said‚ “If that is how to deal with anger, then I would rather keep it inside.” Without exception, anger and rage turned inward results in depression! The companion of anger-rooted depression is cyclical outbursts of rage that seem to have no explanation or reason. As the years roll by, the stuffed anger compounds‚ then when someone cuts us off in traffic, we have enough anger to run them off the road! Or we become mean to those we love and hurt them physically‚ emotionally‚ relationally‚ spiritually‚ psychologically‚ perhaps even sexually. Or we drift into and choose some form of addictive compulsive behavior to keep the anger inside. I have learned, and am still learning, that having anger/rage is a part of being human. Even more so for those of us who come from backgrounds of divorce‚ alcoholism‚ violence‚ sexual abuse‚ etc. We have a deeper layer and larger tank of anger and rage. We have to deal with it or the anger will eventually be manifested in ways we do not want, and may end up ruining lives and families forever.

Are you an angry person? I’m not talking about just a bad day, but does anger and rage continually rise up within you to the point of yelling at and verbally abusing others‚ breaking things‚ putting holes in walls‚ or fighting? If anger lives this deeply within you, do you know why? The following are some things that have helped me and others get in touch with and work through anger and rage.

• Invite Jesus Christ into the anger and rage. Ask the Lord to reveal the source and roots of the anger and to then help you work through it in a safe‚ godly manner. Praying and studying the Bible will help us to work through the anger. Notice I said work through, not necessarily take it away. Perhaps God will deliver you immediately from continual anger and rage. If He doesn’t, then He wants you‚ like me‚ to take the slower, more practical path of deliverance.
• Seek out people to talk with. What Jesus Christ provided that has helped me the most in getting in touch with and working through anger are people. I met with a professional Christian counselor for several years where I had the safety and freedom to talk and vent the poison of anger and rage that had been frozen inside me for so many years. Pray and find a trusted friend‚ support group‚ qualified pastor‚ or counselor who will be there for you.
• Lose control. What I mean is, allow yourself to begin feeling the anger and rage. It won’t kill you, even though it may feel like it. I have an old shoe that I get when the anger gets real bad and I simply throw it against the wall. I also will lift weights‚ walk‚ talk to myself‚ journal‚ etc.‚ to vent the anger and rage. I call it “losing control in a controlled environment,” where neither myself nor anyone else gets hurt. I will yell and shed tears when it gets bad, and this has helped me get the worst of it out of my system.
• Time. For me, the anger and rage has come in waves. Now‚ years later‚ the waves are not as frequent or heavy. They still come, but now I know what to do. It is like the reservoir tank where I unconsciously stored all this anger‚ rage, and hate had a tap put in by God and the anger slowly leaked out over time as I took the steps to work through it all in healthy‚ safe ways.